So on and So on...

It seems as though I only write on this thing when I’m frustrated.
This time my frustration lies in money issues...

I have a lot of work to do, I had to reconfigure my little silk screening project when I hit a small snag listening to bad advice about how to prepare a screen. So now I have to purchase new/better emulsion, better inks and screen. I fear that I’ll be out of money soon, which depresses me a little. I really don’t like worrying about money issues, but it seems to come along with the territory of being a free wheeling artist (which I wouldn’t trade for anything).

Other than that, I really need to move my ass on other fine art projects that are becoming more important (specifically for my own mental health) than the projects that will actually make me some money (hopefully).
I’m working on my first and last self portrait, one life sized torso sculpture, and I have two large installations planned for near future production. The installations especially will be costly, seeing as I will need a bulk supply of plaster and alginate for body casting. Then I need to decide what I’m going to fill the casts with, I need something cheap enough but I also need something that will pick up relatively fine detail.

All I know is I’m only truly happy when working on my art... And I feel like I’ve been a little careless about the time I’ve been spending on it. I don’t like when I feel scattered and lost, drifting in my own mind aimlessly. I work on art because it’s a successful outlet for my thoughts and emotions, without the act of producing I become depressed... I guess I’m a cliché artist, sometimes clichés exist because there is truth behind them.

In other news my birthday passed recently and I’m about to receive a very exciting gift from my sweet and loving ‘main squeeze’, Matt. He’s purchased me a singing saw. It creates a beautiful ethereal sound, and is supposed to be learned intuitively (which is a plus for me). I’m excited to learn a new instrument... Music has always been a very important creative/meditative outlet for me as well. I used to be pretty decent at playing the guitar, but I haven’t really picked one up for quite some time. Matt is a musician, so I guess I’m a little self conscious playing the guitar around him (which is a bit silly). I relish the idea of learning an obscure instrument that I’ve been fascinated by for years now. I think I need a breath of fresh air, and this new outlet will be truly welcome.

I guess that’s all for now... I realized that I haven’t posted any of my fine art on here, so I’ll leave you (whoever you are) with some pictures of some older pieces of mine.

Work harder...

I’m a little frustrated and bewildered... I keep running into a problem with unreliable people. I know this is one of the most common things when dealing with people, but it seems to be getting a little excessive. Basically every and any project that I try to collaborate on, ends up short because the other person always gets lazy or was just all talk in the first place. I think the ‘all talk’ thing bothers me more than anything else. I learned a while ago that just talking about action is all well and good, but it’s also a waste of time. I’d rather be productive than flap my gums.
All that aside, my photo emulsion and silk screen equipment came in the mail. I worked feverishly yesterday to organize my already cluttered studio. The results were decent, hopefully I can start production in the very near future.

Experiments

I've finally started my experimentation with silk screening... i'll be posting photo emulsion prints soon. WOOT WOOT!

Lifted

Well, I seem to be mostly out of my overly cynical view of humanity slump(for the time being). For as long as I can remember i have gone through these periods of time when I feel the need to deconstruct and rip apart any hope or faith I have in fellow humans. I suppose if I really wanted these ‘fits’ to stop I could get on a prescription for xanax or some other mind numbing drug, but I don’t see that ever happening. So I’ll just suck it up and bitch about it until it finally subsides.

There’s nothing like a healthy dose of reality to kick some one’s ass in to creating.

I watched a John Waters documentary last night, the thing that always inspires me about these people is that they always just did their own thing. They disregarded all the people saying ’you can’t do that’ and just did it, usually on basically no money and very little support from whatever industry they were in. I’ve been working on listening to people less about how they think I should be conducting myself as far as art is concerned. The fact of the matter is, I’ll do it how and when I want to do it, and if I never end up doing it, well then, I guess I never really wanted it.
I’m ’uneducated’, have no funding, no representation, a very limited knowledge of the industry, and a relatively small studio to work in, I don’t really care about any of this. The point is I’ve been consistently making art my whole life, I’ve developed my own style over the years and i don’t see myself quitting anytime soon. This is what I was born to do, this is all I like doing, this is my idea of a good time. I am honored to call myself an artist, and I feel confident enough to give myself the title. I also feel quite lucky that I have enough supportive people around me to encourage this impossible feat. They’re the light at the end of the tunnel...

More frustrations

It’s really amazing to me how anyone can look at the human race and regard it as anything more than being stupid animals... More then likely the least intelligent on the planet.
We had such potential, how did we manage to fuck it up so badly?!
I mean this is absolutely ridiculous! Every time I turn my head I see greedy consumerism at it’s finest, and the sad part is, I feel like I’m a part of it. I don’t know how it’s possible to escape... I’m lost in it and I don’t know how it happened... I feel like I never had a choice in it.

One of the things that seems to be plaguing the human race with ignorance and apathy is religion. I can’t find a single reason (other than a simple ignorant and inadvertently safe stance) to believe in some mysterious white bearded man in the clouds, commanding and demanding useless and absurd morals that obviously conflict with our core nature. I’m also not okay with the fact that most of America believe in these blatant mythological dogmas and base our educational and political systems on them.
I’m a self proclaimed ‘recovering Christian’, I was raised with impossible beliefs and made to believe in impossible stories. Fortunately enough for me I got fed up with the contradictions and nasty rhetoric of said beliefs, and decided to simply question. I found out that disbelief is freedom. That’s not to say I walk around with no morals or ethics, on the contrary, I believe in those things very deeply. The difference is, I don’t have to slink through my days trying to live up to impossible standards believing in fairytales and violent unforgiving forces. Not to mention I’m just not that into being judgmental on people who don’t share my exact beliefs. The whole thing has turned into a hateful man made excuse to judge and torment. I HATE IT!

Enough of that for some mintues. I’ve been making decent headway on the body casting project. There’s a lot of messy sanding involved and very detailed chiseling. I will admit I’m having a lot of fun with it, I can’t wait to start working on the installations.

The beginning

I’ve finally started body casting, and will be making two large installations (along with smaller sculpture pieces, incorporating body casting). This has been a long time coming, and I am ridiculously excited about it.

I guess I should back track a bit. About two years ago I was offered an enormous space to have an art show in, and since I am in no way shape or form at a professional artist it has taken me what seems like an eternity to get any sort of a decent body of work together. I have no formal training and have learned through pure observation and ‘intuitive’ feeling. I like to base majority of my work off of the observation of psychology and common human threads of thought and reaction.
I’m some what bitter towards the art world already and have a generally cynical out look on it. From the hand full of shows I’ve had I’ve experienced nothing but incompetent self important assholes! I don’t know how many people in the art world really truly care about the art... maybe some of them do, all I can ascertain through my own experiences is that the whole thing is shallow and obnoxious. I can hardly even stand going to art shows anymore, I hate the scenesters, the style, the attitudes, the pointless song and dance. I like purity, I crave it, I insist on it. Integrity seems to be a fleeting thing, something lost in all the talk. When I go to an art show or when I have my own I want actual conversation, I want fire through thought.
Of course this is more than I could actually ask for... I’m well aware of that, and have relatively come to terms with it. If I can’t have that then I’ll at least try to have one hell of a show on my own. No middle men, no curators, no one in charge of it but me.

I guess this blog will mostly be for myself, tracking my headway and all that sort of thing. Getting my thoughts out and down has always been an important part of the creative process for me.